Dear Self

Dear Self,
     I know, I know.  You have feelings.  You've done nothing but mope around about them for the last month.  I understand that you are emotionally challenged and crave love and acceptance, I get it, I lived it too.  At some point in your life (hello you're almost 30 you should have already crossed this bridge) you're going to have to spank the inner moppet and move on.  How can you expect someone to see you (who the hell are you?  I'm not even sure) if you're always crying about how hard your life was and how you just aren't understood.  Everyone has had a hard life in one way or another, everyone.  So here is a new and somewhat similar life track that we're going to go on.

1.) We are NOT going to form an attachment and then call it the "L" word with your best friend.  You've done this once before remember?  You've had this happen once and you ran away from home and did disgusting and disturbing things with a guy you met online.  We aren't doing that again.  Just shut up and except that you have someone in your life (again) that sees you better than you do, that will be around for an undetermined amount of days, and that you can laugh with.  That has to be enough for you.  Also stop dwelling on the day that he'll move on.  It's a human thing, people move on.  He's here while you need him and you'll return the favor.

2.)  You will focus on yourself.  This being stop wasting money on fast food and pick up that set of weights that you purchased.  You're not meant to be in this body and we both know it.  Two sizes down already and you know you feel it everywhere.  You're body doesn't hurt as much and yes you have a mild strut so how about we help the process along and get serious.  Stay focused.

3.)  You're probably going to have to quit that job you hate.  I mean come on you've been there long enough and you aren't going to get any higher up that ladder.  So start looking.  I mean it.

4.)  Be honest.  You tell lies all the time.  Big ones, small ones.  Lies to others, lies to yourself.  It's just getting to be a giant cluster fuck.  So you want to fall in love.  You do.  You still don't want children.  I know.  You aren't a bad ass, you're a nerd cupcake, to the core. 

5.)  Live fearlessly.  You have to do this to truly be free.  And Freedom is our ultimate goal.  Fearlessly.  FEARLESSLY.  Yes it will cause you to mess up and feel embarrassed from time to time but good things will come out of this as well, trust me.

     With all that being said.  You don't know how many days you have left.  You don't know when you'll lose someone again and they'll take a part of you with them.  It will never be okay to not say yes to that memory.  Stay out later if you'll get it.  Take a picture.  Hug with your heart.  Be kind.  You get through it, you have before and you will again.  So just stop and enjoy something.  It's okay to be happy. 

                                              Sincerely,
                                                         You, just the smarter side.