My eyelids are dropping ever so slowly until they are just closed. Sometimes I write more freely when I can't see the words with my actual eye.  I see it in my mind!  Which sounds cheesy and silly but it's true.  My house is thrashed as well so if my eyes are shut I can't focus on the mess.  Seriously I should be shot...good lord.  Anyway.  I wonder about the state of the world when people that try to keep the laws are the ones being penalized.  When the people that have had the hardest of lives are the ones that continuously get knocked down.  I guess I'm not too surprised.  The meek will inherit the earth and all that jazz.  It takes more fight in a person to stay alive in hard times I guess. 

I'm drinking a pixie stick.

Yesterday on my lunch I colored to cheer myself up.

I have story ideas.

My back is pain free.

I want to run away.

I still don't want to care for anyone.

I've stopped looking down the road to my grandma's house.

I pierced my ear again.

Warrior On.

This is brand fucking new

Soooo...as a person that has had a pretty rough go at life I've sworn off any emotional connections with anyone.  I'm amazing at keeping people at bay and only allowing them to see what I want them to.  Until.  One scrawny white boy full of problems came and filled every thing that I didn't even know I needed filled.  He stole my heart in about four hours and filled me with confusion and happiness.  I have no idea what is going on, I have no idea where this is going but I do know that I'll have a lifelong friend in this guy that I didn't even know was possible.  Although we're both getting warned in the same exact words to "guard ourselves" I feel the desire to just plunge in (also so not me) and screw the consequences.  I do believe the Creator puts people in peoples lives for a reason.  I'm noticing little things.  Before I met him I had so much stress in my back that it hurt all the time and would sometimes have spasms that would wake me in the middle of the night.  When I'm around him, my back suddenly stops hurting.  I'm happier.  He gets me and I get him and that is probably the best feeling in the world.  I don't know how many times I just wished for someone to get me.  Prayed for it even.  And finally I just gave up on it.  I figured some people are supposed to go at this world alone, they're the ones that have to make the tough choices, the ones that don't think they have anything left inside of them.  I think something amazing just happened.  Two of those people may have been brought together.  We just might make a whole someday.

That is your cheese for the day.  

Warrior on.

Dark Place

You wrapped me in an embrace so strong.
No space between us, no secrets to hide.
I didn't know it was possible to feel so safe inside, 
Without the ever present need to lie.

You made me hope for a future of my own.
One where I wasn't always alone.
Hopes that were always buried down deep, 
Secrets that I assumed I'd always keep.

Letting go for a second, a second to breath.
The air was fresh and bittersweet.
The moment passed.
A tear down the cheek.

How easily the  walls crumbled down, 
Silently, completely, without a sound...
It was a lightness, a freedom.
Now an ache.

I let go, I didn't know what else to do.
The walls reconstructed with new levels of pain.
A hurt all over, built of sorrow and shame.
Deep in the darkness, doomed to remain.