Ah a relaxing night at a friends.  I just want to tell you all how far I've come from the insecure mess of a girl I used to be.  While having a great grand time playing X-Box and watching scary movies (not that scary) a friend texted my friend and began the whole 'what are you doing' crap.  When my name came up her friend immediately  asked if I was cute and single and asked for my name to look me up on facebook.  The only comment he said was 'is she in her 30's?' I laughed and said ' NOT YET!" but I know damn well that a couple years ago that would have ruined my night and put me in a dark depression.  Rejected on sight from facebook pictures!  The goofy bits of my life that I decided to share with the world.  The current being a giant Halloween foam wig resting on my head.  It's hilarious.  I always thought if I could lose this weight I would be unstoppable.  I could literally take on the world and it would fall at my feet because that is the only thing holding me back..  I'm wrong.  Once I lose the weight, and I will, I'll just find a new and more interesting flaw that is holding me back.  So fuck that shit.  I gave away half of my life, willingly to depression and a sense of defeat, I'm not going into the last half of this life that way!  If I've learned anything so far is that I'm a fucking strong warrior.  I work three jobs!  I'm resourceful, smart and love to learn things and yes, yes I'm beautiful and luckily for me I'm only going to give this heart away once and he'll be worth the pain that will come with unlocking and unfreezing the pieces.  I already feel lighter.  
 

It's Wednesday, September 3 2014.  It's the third day of the Lean Challenge I'm doing with a friend from OK.  I'm doing fine (not great unless you do count Cliff bars as an entire meal...for multiple meals) which I don't so I already know.  I bought a soft measuring tape and then lost it, but I'm sure it'll show up sooner or later.  I haven't worked out yet cause I'm having a hard time finding time (right now you say? Well I couldn't possibly now I'm telling you how busy I am!) Mostly I just wanted to say that today I was compared to a monster because of how big I am.  By someone I've known for years.  By a friend.  So if that's what he sees after knowing me for years what hope is there for me?

So recap for day three.  It's 8 am and I feel defeated already.