I lost a friend a few years ago and for some reason it hit me pretty hard.  We weren't tight, we just went to school together and worked together and occasionally hung out.  He died in the war and I think about him as little as possible.  Last month when my world changed and grandma died I had a dream about him.  It was a busy street, late at night.  There were hundreds of people mulling around, excited, happy.  As if on cue the crowds parted and there he stood staring up at the sky with a big smile on his face.  The sky lit up with fireworks and I watched as the lights changed the color of his face.  In my dream I was bawling and trying to find someone to tell because he was here.  And then he looked me in the eye and gave me the sweetest smile I've seen in a long time.  I stopped screaming and just watched him.  He was so happy.

I have yet to feel grandma.

I hope she's just as happy.

I'm not healing like I should be and I'm mad.  After all these years of being strong and tough and untouchable, I'm bleeding all over the fucking rug.

And now in other news that isn't my emotions. 
Finally finished Lord of the Rings.  Ridiculous just watch the movie.
Lee Child writes a mighty entertaining story with Jack Reacher.
Paranormalcy is both silly (the girl is rather see through) and captivating.  Read it in almost a day. Zip Zip!

Writing is still not going.  Aside from this blog I've got maybe two sentences down on paper/screen.

Ants are the devil.

Life moves on even when you stop.

later.

Ah home again...not that I really want to be.  Ha.  My mom and I just got back from our annual Shoshone Bannock Festival in Fort Hall, ID.  It's a four hour drive and the only time we lock down our bad thoughts.  For one entire day, no negative, worrying thoughts.  I felt awesome this morning when I woke up, well minus the sunburn that I picked up.  Dang it.  We stayed at the Ameritel Inn this time, having stayed at the Best Western twice and the Red Lion once.  Hey I don't stay in hotels so I get excited when I do.  So Ameritel was awesome by the way, Red Lion gets the thumbs down but that's another story.  So after taking off at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning we arrive in Pocatello a little after 8 (we shopped before we left so hitting the road at 4 only took us four hours).  After having breakfast at Butterburrs, where I found my Penis!  We set out to refresh ourselves on what time we could check in. So we are walking toward the hotel building, no big deal, when my mom trips and then catches herself twice.  In a row continuous, you know what I'm talking about right.  I thought she had everything undercover because it looks like she is just standing there all fine seconds before her knees hit the ground and she goes into this bow that would make Muslims proud.  Her forehead is on the ground, ass in the air and she is just sitting there, right in front of the windows to the breakfast eating area.  So she gets up with little help from me (I'm okay i got it ) and we go check talk to the guy (3p.m.).  Holy mother I have never laughed so hard in my life (after I found out she just had some scraped knees and a swollen toe) Driving down the freeway to Ft. Hall I thought I would have to pull over and finish laughing.  Don't worry mom was laughing just as bad as I was.  It's frightening. So anyway we get to Powwow grounds (WHOOP) and it's crazy early so nothing is really going on yet but we shop and take a seat and then it's grand entry and then the rest will be told in some pictures.  Enjoy.