"We're going to get through this" seems to be the chant of the month.  Even though I have no idea how.  I'm taking small comforts in thoughts such as 'we've been in trouble before', 'we always seem to get by', 'we'll be stronger people in the end'.  To be honest we have it good.  We're still mostly together, mostly healthy and haven't stopped to stare down at the watery abyss that looks so tempting while on bridges, so we're good.  But there are thoughts.  Dark thoughts that shouldn't be brought to the light of day.  Thoughts that would get one into even more trouble.
I don't want to be around anyone.
I haven't been able to write.
I want to sleep for a few days, but can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours.
I am more of an asshole than I've ever been. Pushing people away feels right.
I'm tired of all the uncertainty.  I want to know the outcome.  I want to know where we'll be.  The only thing that I'm taking comfort in, for some unknown reason, is that He has got me.  I usually am so uncertain about God, if I love Him, if He loves me, if it's all going to be enough.  But right now I'm certain.  He has me.  Whatever this brings I have to remember that.  So whatever comes is going to come and I can't stop it.  I don't control anything.  But I'm scared.  Really scared and so fucking tired.