It's a known fact that my temper is dangerously short. It's also a fact that once my good judgment is lost it's lost forever. I'm fiercely protective of what is mine, be it my Pokemon game or my family. I don't give out anything it has to be earned but once it's there it's there for the long haul. I would love to be one of those people that freely love whomever comes across their path (but who needs the herpies??) and who can easily forgive and forget, but I'm not. Sure at times this makes me a stubborn bitch of a woman but at least I'm honest in whatever I do.
So that brings me to you. How you sleep at night I'll never understand. You openly, freely and without any qualm tell all that you don't love your mother. You don't feel like she did anything for you. Fine. Okay. It makes you a bitch, sure, but kuddos for being honest about your feelings. We don't see you, we don't hear from you. We keep it on the down low from the woman that birthed, fed, and raised you, with love and no forms of abuse, that you don't give a shit about her. Knowing this would only hurt her and she's too precious to us to harm like that. Years go by with maybe a card or a call on her birthday. Good effort on your part to keep up the caring facade. Life goes on with us as it always has. We sacrafice a lot of things to keep her happy and safe. You don't care what, I know, but I'm sure your children got to be children. When you wanted to go out and do something as simple as see a movie, I'm sure you did. You didn't have to be exposed to things like strokes, doctor appointments and in the end watching one of the only people you actually love gasp her last breath. How about carry her body out of her bed and put it in a van with a man that had earlier killed himself to keep her company? Nah you didn't get those pleasures. The funny thing is, through all of the neglect that you put upon your mother, she still loved you. Told us when your birthday was, recalled stories about your childhood, and wondered how you were. Was she perfect? No of course not. The only perfect person in this whole mess of a world we crucified, so how could she be. Truth all the same. So now she has got a stamp with how many months she's got left in the world. Suddenly you are all tears and sad facebook posts and telling the world to feel sorry for YOU because YOU will be missing out on the mother that YOU previously disowned. It must be terrible for YOU to feel so lost. So messed up to not know what YOU are going to do without her. Just thinking about it probably makes YOUR stomach cramp up and the breath leave YOUR lungs. How are YOU going to get on with life without the anchor that held YOU steady?? Must be tough. For us. It's tough for us. YOU don't know.
I hope some day my hatred for you dissolves into nothing. I seriously hope it does. If you are the reason I don't get to frolic with Jesus, I would be pissed. You shouldn't get that kind of glory. If I'm going down (literally) then it better be to something like Satan himself, because that is a worthy opponent. He at least stood for something and stuck by it.
But for now I'm livid. I'm burning with a rage I've never felt before. How can you come in and take everything when for 20 plus years you've done nothing. We would have been fair to you. Trust me, my other half would have made me be fair to you. Even though you don't deserve it. But you took everything with a false smile on your face and a lie of a tear in your eye.
How do you sleep at night?
No comments:
Post a Comment